Woman Finds Out Her Child Isn’t Her Biological Child, What She Thought Was a Surrogate Turned Out to Be Done the ‘Old Fashion Way’

Author image for Briana Viser
Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Aug 8, 2024 4:00 PM EDT

Welcome back ladies and gentlemen of the internet. Cheating is never a fun topic; it's heartbreaking to find out, messy to deal with, and it's a strong trauma that can destroy a lot of people. For married couples, this could be even worse. You've built a whole life, you've been together for years, maybe decades, you have children. And then suddenly a shock bomb is dropped on you and you feel like your life is flashing before you, drowning in past memories and betrayal nearly clogging your throat. This brings us to the Reddit story.

So the title may sound far fetched, because how would the woman not know about her child not being hers? But the child was born from a surrogate, so already things can get confusing. It was between her husband and her good friend, and she never saw the red flags until it was all revealed to her. Even if it was a surrogate, cheating is cheating, and no one deserves that. 

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  • 01
    r/AITAH 20 hr. ago ThrowRA-3xbetrayal AITA to divorce my husband and leave him with the kid after finding out I'm not biologically the mom?
    via u/ThrowRA-3xbetrayal
  • 02
    I can't believe my life has come to this. All I ever do is go out of my way to help others but on the few occasions I need help, nobody ever comes through for me. I (36F) have been with my husband (35M) for a total of almost 10 years, married for 7. We had what I thought was my child by
    via u/ThrowRA-3xbetrayal
  • 03
    surrogate over 2 years ago because after 4 years of trying to conceive with no success despite medical interventions, it turns out I am unable to carry a child to term.
    via u/ThrowRA-3xbetrayal
  • 04
    I had always wanted to be a mom. Devastated is an understatement regarding how I felt when I found out i have a medical condition that would make it nearly impossible to carry a baby to term. It was even more upsetting when I had to get a major surgery to remove uterine
    via u/ThrowRA-3xbetrayal
  • 05
    growths with the hope to increase fertility and complications during surgery warranted a partial hysterectomy involving removal of my uterus only. I still had my ovaries so we started looking into cost of a surrogate. It is really expensive! My close friend since college
    via u/ThrowRA-3xbetrayal
  • 06
    who'd already had 2 kids of her own offered to serve as the surrogate for us to cut down on costs. After two disappointing IVF sessions that did not result in pregnancy, she became pregnant on the 3rd try and carried a boy to term for us. I was so happy and busy after the birth, between
    via u/ThrowRA-3xbetrayal
  • 07
    being a mom and returning to work after a 4 week parental leave, so I didn't notice any warning signs.
    via u/ThrowRA-3xbetrayal
  • 08
    I should have noticed the red flags and warning signs early on but did not because I was so exhausted from working so much at my stressful job and two part- time jobs to cover most of the bills and anticipated medical and legal costs associated with this
    via u/ThrowRA-3xbetrayal
  • 09
    friend becoming our surrogate. (I was the primary breadwinner.) My friend and my husband started talking more and I would sometimes come home from my weekend job to find her already hanging out at our house when my husband was there. I chalked it up as innocuous and it's good
    via u/ThrowRA-3xbetrayal
  • 10
    for her to know my husband better since she was in the process of hopefully carrying our child for us. I was grateful to have someone helping us have a child. I also thought it weird that our son has brown eyes when both of us have blue. Then I found out that while this is uncommon, it's
    via u/ThrowRA-3xbetrayal
  • 11
    possible sometimes due to many genes controlling eye color.
    via u/ThrowRA-3xbetrayal
  • 12
    Recently it all came to a head when I took our son to a doctor's appointment and they did metabolic panel and blood tests which showed that he had a blood type that is not biologically possible to have with me as his mother. (He's B+, I'm A+, husband is O+). Immediately I
    via u/ThrowRA-3xbetrayal
  • 13
    started worrying it was the fertility clinic's fault and that they'd messed up and implanted. a wrong embryo. I started lining up lawyer consultations to possibly sue the clinic and looked into having a DNA parentage test done. The test results showed that I'm not the mother but my
    via u/ThrowRA-3xbetrayal
  • 14
    husband still is the father. I was heartbroken and angrier than ever, talked to lawyers about medical malpractice in the fertility clinic we'd used. Then my husband confessed that he'd slept with my friend (our surrogate) on a few different
    via u/ThrowRA-3xbetrayal
  • 15
    occasions during our struggle to have her get pregnant with our embryos. This means what I thought was our son conceived by IVF and carried with a surrogate, isn't my son at all and I was in fact conceived the old fashioned way, which I can't ever do. Livid and absolutely broken at
    via u/ThrowRA-3xbetrayal
  • 16
    the same time doesn't even begin to describe how I feel!!!! I have been breaking down into crying spells over and over again about this. He claims he didn't ever think pregnancy could result because he pulled out and he had always assumed that he was the reason for our earlier
    via u/ThrowRA-3xbetrayal
  • 17
    struggles to conceive, both before my hysterectomy and during the IVF insemination process with this friend.
    via u/ThrowRA-3xbetrayal
  • 18
    I felt an immediate triple betrayal: from what was supposed to be my husband, my friend, and now knowing my child isn't even really mine. I had such white hot rage and delirium, I immediately left home and stayed at a hotel for almost a week before asking my parents to let me stay at home
    via u/ThrowRA-3xbetrayal
  • 19
    for a while. I admit I left our son with him. I am now filing divorce because he cheated and betrayed me in the worst possible way. I have also cut off my friendship with my "friend" the "surrogate" and feel afraid to trust anyone else now. I have seen a divorce lawyer to see about giving up my
    via u/ThrowRA-3xbetrayal
  • 20
    legal rights to this kid so I don't have to face such betrayal or owe child support.
    via u/ThrowRA-3xbetrayal
  • 21
    My husband and "friend/surrogate" admit they were wrong and keep apologizing but also called me immature and heartless to just give up on my son like that. My parents also say I can't just give up on a kid that I went through so many legal and medical hoops
    via u/ThrowRA-3xbetrayal
  • 22
    to have. When I told them I refuse to stay in a cheater marriage and I'd rather adopt someday with a better more trustworthy partner, they also told me I was wrong and that maintaining my parental rights isn't much different than if I adopted outright. They said it
    via u/ThrowRA-3xbetrayal
  • 23
    adopted outright. They said it isn't blood that makes a family. They are all about me divorcing my cheater husband but keep telling me I'm making a mistake giving up my parental rights. Some of my other friends agree with what I'm doing, a few admitted they weren't big.
    via u/ThrowRA-3xbetrayal
  • 24
    enough to swallow pride and care for an "affair baby" or to see daily reminders of my "friend/surrogate"s betrayal every time look at "her" son. I just want a clean break and a fresh start. I'm also looking at relocating several states away. AITA to give up my parental
    via u/ThrowRA-3xbetrayal
  • 25
    rights in the divorce because a kid I paid a lot of money to have born by surrogacy isn't biologically mine at all, but the "surrogate''s?
    via u/ThrowRA-3xbetrayal
  • 26
    chez2202 • 19h ago NTA. One of the things that gets me is that you were working extra jobs to pay for the surrogacy which I am assuming included her medical bills and financially supporting her? I would speak to a solicitor about
    via u/chez2202
  • 27
    suing her for your money back. She knew that if she was having then there was always a chance that the child was biologically hers.
    via u/chez2202
  • 28
    Low_Peanut_9095 • 19h ago NTA. Did you firm a contract for the surrogacy? Because you can sue them for scam! Also, for emotional damage I think your parents aren't thinking about YOU and your well being.
    via u/Low_Peanut_9095
  • 29
    Odd_Welcome7940 • 19h ago He cheated... it's not yours. I will absolutely tell you what I tell men posting this. It would be wonderful if you love the kid enough to stay but if your in shock and damaged to much to do so
    via u/Odd_Welcome7940
  • 30
    you aren't the Ahole for walking away. NTA... and I glad to see most of the replies so far agree. I hope we keep this energy up for anyone put in this spot from now on.
    via u/Odd_Welcome7940
  • 31
    Turbulent Ebb5669 • 20h ago Yeah, you gotta do what's right for you here.
    via u/Turbulent Ebb5669
  • 32
    Oh_Wiseone ⚫20h ago NTA - like you, I could not look at the child without resentment and betrayal. That is so unfair to the child. Tell your parents that the child deserves to be raised by a loving parent, and you are so disappointed in them.
    via u/Oh_Wiseone

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